Ok. It's now officially confirmed that I am not a "dedicated follower of fashion" as Ray Davies of The Kinks put it - unlike EVERYONE else on the 'plane to Venice...
The Biennale is notorious for its air kissing lovelies who fly in to Venice every two years to be fashionable, gossip, preen and show off generally against a back drop of art, culture and the stunning environs of the city of the Doges.
In my portion of the 'plane - the front end darling (air miles for me of course!) - I am the only man without either a pony tail or sculpted facial hair. I am the only man wearing trousers that cost less than 400 dollars and my hand-made shirt feels suddenly cheap and down market...
There is a chap sitting across from me who I have flown with before. He is a multi-millionnaire and lives in Dubai and Monte Carlo, owns a large yacht, several businesses and lives his life of luxury flying around and sailing, running his businesses from his BlackBerry.
A bit like me except for the multi-millions, the yacht, Monte Carlo and sailing...and his trousers are at least 500 dollars. I can tell.
An enormous American lady (if the accent didn't give it away, the volume would) just sat next to me and is wearing Jackie O sunglasses (on board the plane) and a stretch lycra dress in a rather vicious electric lime green. My breakfast is considering a break for freedom as a result. She is complaining about having to walk up some stairs to the plane. She may have burned a calorie or two so is doubtless concerned about feeding soon. I'd have her down as a wealthy heiress who spends daddy's or grand daddy's millions flying around the world patronising the arts....
An anorexic tall grey haired pony tailed art-type is chatting vigorously with a crop haired lady who looks like a lesbian novelist but could be a poet, photographer or sculptor. She is also intensely fashionable but in a menacing, slightly butch way. I am sure they have ordered the vegan meal and will practice some hot yoga during the flight...
Ah - some diamond encrusted super branded Arabs - probably Lebanese - have just boarded. They've been keeping us all waiting to take off, and now they're fussing over where they sit...they are more fashionable than me by a factor of 15 I'd estimate, but MUCH less fashionable than everyone else at the "front"... Although their jewellery / watches / accessories are conspicuously expensive...naturally.
It is refreshing however that I am clearly the most relaxed person in this portion of the plane. I am not suffering from fashion anxiety, nor worrying if my bum looks big in these trousers. I'm not remotely concerned about which exhibit is "coolest" in Venice - although I am interested in seeing both the Palestinian Pavillion and the UAE Pavillion - both making their debuts at this Biennale.
I am also looking forward to taking some "intimate" photographs of Venezia - the beautiful old lady that is the city I am travelling to... And to remembering my walks and excursions around Venice when I was a student down the road in Padua some 18 years ago - and the memories of that glorious "temps perdu"...
It is a good thing that I am not suffering from style insecurity and fashion anxiety - after all I am going to Italy where style is genetically transferred, where a tailor is more highly regarded and valued than a doctor or a priest and where fashion is a way of life.
I'll change into my sack before landing...it's Armani darling.
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