Kindness, humility... and a long, hot walk...

Part#1

So...Finished dinner with my friends who were visiting from overseas. They got dinner which always makes me feel bad as it is my town (well, my adopted town anyway) and I feel like I should host. But they were decided and that was that.

They said something about getting a cab back to their hotel so I extended the offer to take them in my car and drop them off at their hotel. They asked how far it was from my house and I lied and said 10 mins only. The reality was more like 25 mins each way - but I wanted to offer some kind of hospitality to my friends, so driving them back was my best choice - and I knew they would refuse if they thought it was out of my way...

I remembered vaguely that the car needed filling up but the gauge said there was enough gas for about 80kms when we left the restaurant area in the centre of town.

As we drove the warning light for low gas came on. The gauge still said 50 kms or so. I carried on. I dropped my friends off at the end of the Palm at their hotel and set off back making some work calls to colleagues in Europe to discuss some business matters.

Half way home and the "to go" gauge is showing 20kms... But I know there is a gas station soon...

But not soon enough. I ran out of gas. No more petrol. Sans benzine. Senza benzina. Mafi go-go juice. I swung the car to a bus stop layby and lit the hazard lights.

I told my colleague of my predicament as I carried on my conversation. He laughed and pointed out the irony of running out of petrol while living on top of the world's largest hydrocarbon deposits. It was not lost on me.

The temperature was a balmy 32 degrees and very humid as I set off on what I was sure was a short walk to the nearest gas station. Of course my estimates of distance were based on drive time and not walk time and it was maybe a kilometre and a half walk...

I arrived at the gas station sweaty and annoyed, and finished the call.

I located some plastic cans to fill with petrol and duly purchased a five litre can. Filled it with petrol outside, tipped the gas pump attendant and walked back to my empty car which seemed to be further away than I remembered.

There is something levelling about running out of gas. Whether you drive a Ferrari or a Fiat, a Lamborghini or a Lada, when you run out of gas they're all the same. Immobile lumps of metal and rubber. And utterly and completely useless.

I got back to the car tired, very sweaty and fed up but relieved as I would soon be going home. Wrong.

I opened the gas cap, and started to pour. And all that happened was petrol splashed down the side of my car. I poured more slowly and petrol splashed more slowly down the side of my car. By my estimation maybe a mouthful of petrol might have gone into the car and I'd nearly emptied the can...

It was then I took a closer look and identified the safety valve in the filler hole... Which needed to be pushed open to allow any petrol into the car. I made an attempt to pour very slowly the last few cups full of gas - hoping they would somehow magically drip into the tank. Instead they magically spilled all over me. Luckily no naked flames nearby or I would be writing this tale from the moon.

So I tried to start the car hoping for divine intervention but instead got a physics lesson:

Take one empty car. Pour gas down the side of it and all over the driver. Car remains empty. Start car. No gas means no start. Driver now sweaty, soaked in petrol and feeling like the idiot he is.

Part #2:

I crossed the road with my empty jerry can and hailed down a cab. I explained to the driver that I am a moron. In fact a double moron as first I had let my car run out of gas and second, that even when armed with a full can of petrol, I am too stupid to fill it up.

He looked at me in a kindly fashion and told me not to worry. He would help me. And then he smiled a gentle smile which was generous and true.

He drove me to the gas station while I explained that I needed some kind of tube or funnel to get the next batch of gas into the car.

He again said not to worry and that he would help me.

I got a second jerry can for good measure and filled both up, while asking the gas pump boy for a funnel or tube. The gas pump boy told me not to worry - he would help me.

He then took a used empty water bottle from the trash and cut it in half at an angle, creating a funnel. So simple and so practical. I - the President & CEO of my company in this region - would never have thought of something so smart.

Equipped with two jerry cans of gas and a new funnel, I got back in the cab and the kindly driver took me back to my car.

When we got to it, he looked at the car and then back at me.

"How did such a big car run out of petrol sir?" He asked.

Because its driver is a pea brain I thought, but actually said "Well... unfortunately the digital petrol gauge is clearly not accurate or possibly malfunctioned and I ran out of petrol before the estimated remaining mileage had elapsed."

I may as well have recited the Lords Prayer in Mandarin. He knew the truth. I was a stupid ass who forgot to fill his enormous car with petrol. Simple. Simpleton.

He looked at me with pity and set about opening the gas cap and the jerry cans...

I pointed out my previous discovery of the safety valve. Unfortunately the make shift funnel did not have enough length at the neck to open the valve so we needed another tool. The driver asked me if I had a pen. I did.

He issued the directions. I pushed the pen into the hole to open the valve and held the funnel while he slowly poured two jerry cans into the car. Barely a drop was spilled.

I went round and started the car. Relief! Joy! And air conditioning! Hooray.

The driver had stopped his meter when we pulled up but had spent another ten minutes helping me. The meter said 16 Dirhams - about 3 Euros or 4 dollars. I gave him 100 and he gave me 85 change. I went to give him an extra five Dirhams and he smiled at me and politely refused. "No sir. No need. I just wanted to help you."

He smiled at me once again and quietly got back in his cab.

I was rather moved by his kindness and humility - in stark contrast to my own arrogance and stupidity - not to mention haste which had seen me first end up running out of gas. Then rushing the solution and pouring gas all over myself and the car. Then seeing two men who will earn in twenty or thirty years what I earn in one year, create an improvised funnel from a old plastic water bottle.

And then seeing a man with nearly nothing help a man with obviously rather too much, literally out of the kindness of his heart. Humbly,quietly and unassumingly kind. Genuinely nice.

Made me feel good about the world, reflective about my own shortcomings, ego and vanities - and most of all made me want to share this story of my hero the cab driver and his side kick the gas pump kid.

I got home stinking of petrol, took a shower and then sat to write this right away. A fresh tale of kindness, humility...and a long, hot walk.

Rumi, Pinter & Waits

Three ways of looking at the same thing . . .

1. Whoever's calm and sensible

There is a light seed grain inside.

You fill it with yourself, or it dies.

I'm caught in this curling energy. Your hair.

Whoever's calm and sensible is insane.

Rumi

2. It is Here

What sound was that?

I turn away, into the shaking room.

What was that sound that came in on the dark?

What is this maze of light it leaves us in?

What is this stance we take,

To turn away and then turn back?

What did we hear?

It was the breath we took when we first met.

Listen. It is here.

Harold Pinter

3. Martha

Operator number please
It´s been so many years
And she remembers my old voice
While I fight the tears

Hello, hello there is this Martha ?
This is old Tom Frost
And I am calling long distance
Don´t worry ´bout the cost.....

It´s been 40 years or more
Now Martha please recall
And meet me out for coffee
Were we´ll talk about it all

And those were days of roses
Poetry and prose and Martha
All I had was you...
And all you had was me...

And there was no tomorrow´s
As we packed away our sorrows
And we saved it for a rainy day.....

And I feel so much older now
And you´re much older too
Oh, how´s the husband and how´s the kids
You know that I got married too.....

Oh, lucky that you found someone
To make you feel secure
Oh we were all so young and foolish
Now we are mature.....

And those were days of roses
Poetry and prose and Martha
All I had was you...
And all you had was me...

And there was no tomorrow´s
As we packed away our sorrows
And we saved it for a rainy day.....

And I was always so impulsive
I guess that I still am...
But all that really mattered then
Was that I was a man...

I guess that our being together
Was never meant to be
Oh, but Martha, oh Martha I love you...
Can´t you see.....?

And those were days of roses
Poetry and prose and Martha
All I had was you...
And all you had was me...

And there was no tomorrow´s
As we packed away our sorrows
And we saved it for a rainy day.....

And I remember quiet evenings
Trembling close to you.....

Tom Waits

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Mse62NFl4 

Dear Dad . . .

Yesterday my father would have been 77 years old. But in fact he died 13 years ago in March, 1999 aged 64. In those 13 years I don’t think there has been a single day where I have not thought about my father or remembered something of his wisdom, advice, kindness or generosity of spirit.

That is not to say that his death did not make me angry. It did. It was way too early. He never saw me married (or indeed divorced). He never saw me make a success of my career – something I think he worried about. He never saw me become my own man. (Although many believe that one only becomes one’s “own man” upon the death of one’s father . . .) and his friendship was taken away from me far too early. And I miss it.

My father never showed up to sports where I played. Too busy. He never understood what I did for a living. Not interested enough. He never showed much emotion or affection. Not able to find the way. As a result my relationship with him was distant in some ways and very close in others.

The day of his funeral I wrote him a letter. I read that letter in the church – which was so full, people were gathered outside. He was a much loved man.

I was the only person in the church who did not cry during my reading of the letter. 

Indeed I did not grieve my father with tears until nearly two years later when I read that letter again one afternoon and began to cry, later wailing. It lasted for 3 hours without pause. I cried until I could cry no more.

I still read this letter from time to time and remember my father. My friend. My guide. I have more or less forgiven him for all the ways he rejected me – perhaps unknowingly – as a child, and for finally abandoning me in his death. Now I simply miss him and wish I could have his advice from time to time.

Fortunately he was a man of strong principle and strong values and I have those principles and values to guide me in his absence.

Our parents are precious. I hadn’t seen my father for more than a month before he died – putting off visits to home because I was too busy in my life, not calling to speak, because I’d get around to it next week. . . 

After his funeral and I returned to my apartment in London, I found a message on the answering machine from him. It asked me to give him a call and let him know how I was doing etc. He had left it a few days before he died. I had not returned his call. And for the last 13 years, I have wished that I had.

The letter I wrote to him for his funeral is below:

Dear Dad

Although it is not long since we last spoke, suddenly ‘last’ has new meaning for both of us. It seems strange that we will never again speak to each other, that we will never again laugh with each other, that we will never again argue with each other.

I don’t know how to say how much I miss you, I don’t know if it is even possible to measure, just as I don’t know how to say how much I love you.

Before you left, you gave us a little time to say the things we wanted to say to you, but suffice to say that whatever was said, it will never do justice to what I felt and feel about you, my father, my friend, my guide.

There are things which you have shown me and taught me that I haven’t yet understood, and part of your legacy is that one day I will and for that I thank you.

One of the most painful parts of knowing that you are gone, is knowing that you are not there anymore. Not there to ask a question, not there to give me advice, not there to ask a favour of. Although you are not there anymore, you will, however, always be here, with me, with mum, with Charlie and with all your many friends, because although you have gone, you will continue to live with us, with so many memories happy and sad, and with so many reasons to be grateful to you.

Your quiet, unassuming approach to life was characterised by your compassion, your dignity and your pride, but most of all by your unqualified respect for your fellow man, be he patient, colleague, friend or family.

You always believed in the right and the proper. In a selfish world, you were always generous, in a cruel world, always kind. Always human, always humane, you helped so many people in so many ways, but never expected anything in return.

And for this I love you, for this I am grateful to you and for this I will always remember you.

I have so much to thank you for, as my father and as my friend. If I could be half the man you were, I would be truly proud, as I am truly proud of you.

In finishing these words, I recall something you wrote in the front of your bible as a child:

Take nothing away from it

Add nothing to it

Change nothing in it

Believe all of it

God bless you Dad.

Your loving son,

David

A Short Piece About Truth

Last night I had a dream which, after I woke up and tried to decode it, I concluded was about "truth".

I love truth. It is perhaps an abstract concept for most of us for most of the time although we think about it and refer to it in some way almost daily.

The truth nourishes us (understanding & clarity) and sometimes frightens us (enlightenment sometimes sheds light on unpleasant, hurtful things as well as the pleasant and good) - but it never leaves us alone. We cannot remain unaffected by truth.

We spend much of our lives trying to reveal and conceal the truth in equal measure. These are not only futile exercises, they create stress and anguish.

We tend to try and tell people about positive truths, while we tend try and conceal negative truths

In our efforts to reveal or tell our truth we often exaggerate or lose perspective - and it is futile as the truth reveals itself in any case, at least to those who can see. Those who cannot will never see the truth of a matter no matter what our efforts are. Truth is the ultimate dimension of reality - and some can see it, some cannot.

Many of us spend a great deal of time trying to project or show our "positive" truth emphatically and with ever growing clarity - telling people we love them, telling people how sorry we are, telling people how excited we are, how interested etc. Trying to make them believe something which is - or should be - evident to all those who are receptive to truth. While those who are not will never see it anyway.

We do it with our colleagues at work when we tell them how impressed we are with them - to give them confidence and make them feel motivated and positive - when actually it is often OUR confidence in THEM that needs a boost or some reassurance. . .

We do it with friends when we tell them how happy we are for them when something good happens in their lives believing that we are showing our support, solidarity and affirmation - when in reality we are often telling them how we are worried that their new happiness or success somehow makes us insecure that they will somehow be pulled away from us.

We do it with lovers or partners when we profess our love, our commitment and our care for them, believing we are showing them our feelings and making them feel good about themselves and the relationship. In reality we are often telling them how insecure we are, how we are afraid of commitment and how we need their care.

In other words, when we seek to clarify or reveal our truth to others, it is a) often unnecessary as people know already know our truth through our behaviors and b) disingenuous as we are often telling a different truth for ourselves, but disguised as a truth for them.

Conversely we often try to hide the truth. Either out of fear of what it will do to us or fear of what it will do to others. (Most of the time the two fears are the same - i.e. if the truth is revealed it will mean something to others which will then affect us . . . for we are selfish beings at our core, and it all revolves around us until we learn compassion.)

Thus most of the time the greater act of compassion is to tell the truth rather than hiding it from those we care about. When we try to hide the truth from others feels we tell ourselves that it is because we're protecting them and so we feel righteous and good about it. But actually we are not - we are tormenting them, for those we are connected to and close to intuitively feel the truth anyway. Hiding it from them hurts them and denies them the basic mutual respect they could expect from us based on our connection or relationship.

Think of the times you have fail or choose not to tell a colleague about their poor performance or lack of skills at work because you don't want to hurt their feelings - and yet you know instinctively that your behaviors and stance betray your real opinion.

Think of the times when you fail or choose not to tell a friend that they are behaving stupidly, naively or behaving like a spoiled child - because you are fearful of hurting their feelings or worried that they will reject your rebuke and it will damage your friendship - and yet you know they can feel your disdain or annoyance because your friendship allows them intuition.

Think of the times you hide things from your partner, from your ex or a new girlfriend or boyfriend - that you're feeling frustrated, that you're with someone else now, that you're uncertain or insecure - all because you're trying to protect them or avoid from knowing something difficult or uncomfortable - but really it's about your comfort not theirs. They know, because they intuit, because they know you. So not telling them is not respecting them, causing them anxiety and hurt in the process.

When you have a truth you are keen to share - show it, don't tell it.

When you have a truth you are keen to hide - tell it, don't show it.

If your truth is positive you don't need to tell it - just trust the other person to see what you are showing. And remember that if they don't see it then it wouldn't make any difference to them anyway if you tell your truth or not.

And if you are hiding something from someone, chances are they will already know, feel or suspect it - so tell them the truth - as you are already showing it to them. Choose your words, your method and your time carefully to show your genuine respect and sensitivity - but don't delay.

In both cases truth requires bravery on your part for the benefit of the other person - when your truth is positive, you must be brave and trust that your truth is understood. When negative for the other person, you must be brave and face the lesser of two evils and show them your respect and care by communicating what is already known or half known. Put the other person out of their misery - and trust that you will not lose them because of it.

Don't be afraid of the truth, be compassionate about it.

Lessons in Courage & Compassion - Chiune Sugihara, Japanese Diplomat

I found this story while researching something today and was really inspired by it.

Chiune "Sempo" Sugihara certainly falls into the category of "unsung hero" for most of his life, but what is really inspiring is his courage and compassion.

He acted with honour, dignity, humility and did the right thing with great consequences for himself and ultimately major sacrifice.

An impressive story, it contains several lessons:

1. Don't be a burden to others
2. Take care of others
3. Don't expect rewards for your goodness

And as Chiune Sugihara was quoted as saying:

"Do what is right because it is right, and leave it alone."

Here is the story of Chuine Sugihara:

WHO WAS CHIUNE SUGIHARA?

For the last half century people have asked, 'Who was Chiune Sugihara?" They have also asked, 'Why did he risk his career, his family fortune, and the lives of his family to issue visas to Jewish refugees in Lithuania?" These are not easy questions to answer, and there may be no single set of answers that will satisfy our curiosity or inquiry.

Chiune (Sempo) Sugihara always did things his own way. He was born on January 1, 1900. He graduated from high school with top marks and his father insisted that he become a medical doctor. But Chiune's dream was to study literature and live abroad. Sugihara attended Tokyo's prestigious Waseda University to study English. He paid for his own education with part-time work as a longshoreman and tutor.

One day he saw an item in the classified ads. The Foreign Ministry was seeking people who wished to study abroad and might be interested in a diplomatic career. He passed the difficult entrance exam and was sent to the Japanese language institute in Harbin, China. He studied Russian and graduated with honors. He also converted to Greek Orthodox Christianity. While in Harbin he met and married a Caucasian woman. They were later divorced. The cosmopolitan nature of Harbin, China opened his eyes to how diverse and interesting the world was.

He then served with the Japanese controlled government in Manchuria, in northeastern China. He was later promoted to Vice Minister of the Foreign Affairs Department. He was soon in line to be the Minister of Foreign Affairs in Manchuria.

While in Manchuria he negotiated the purchase of the Russian-owned Manchurian railroad system by the Japanese. This saved the Japanese government millions of dollars, and infuriated the Russians.

Sugihara was disturbed by his government's policy and the cruel treatment of the Chinese by the Japanese government. He resigned his post in
protest in 1934.

In 1938 Sugihara was posted to the Japanese diplomatic office in Helsinki, Finland. With World War II looming on the horizon, the Japanese government sent Sugihara to Lithuania to open a one-man consulate in 1939. There he would report on Soviet and German war plans. Six months later, war broke out and the Soviet Union annexed Lithuania. The Soviets ordered all consulates to be closed. It was in this context that Sugihara was confronted with the requests of thousands of Polish Jews fleeing German-occupied Poland.


SUGIHARA, THE MAN
Sugihara's personal history and temperament may contain the key to why he defied his government's orders and issued the visas. Sugihara favored his mother's personality. He thought of himself as kind and nurturing and artistic. He was interested in foreign ideas, religion, philosophy and language. He wanted to travel the world and see everything there was, and experience the world. He had a strong sense of the value of all human life. His language skills show that he was always interested in learning more about other peoples.

Sugihara was a humble and understated man He was self-sacrificing, self-effacing and had a very good sense of humor. Yukiko, his wife, said he found it very difficult to discipline the children when they misbehaved. He never lost his temper.

Sugihara was also raised in the strict Japanese code of ethics of a turn-of-the century samurai family. The cardinal virtues of this society were oya koko (love of the family), kodomo no tamane (for the sake of the children), having gidi and on (duty and responsibility, or obligation to repay a debt), gaman (withholding of emotions on the surface), gambate (internal strength and resourcefulness), and haji no kakate (don't bring shame on the family). These virtues were strongly inculcated by Chiune's middle-class rural samurai family.

It took enormous courage for Sugihara to defy the order of his father to become a doctor, and instead follow his own academic path. It took courage to leave Japan and study overseas. It took a very modern liberal Japanese man to marry a Caucasian woman and convert to Christianity. It took even more courage to openly oppose the Japanese military policies of expansion in the 1930s.


Thus Sempo Sugihara was no ordinary Japanese man and may have been no ordinary man. At the time that he and his wife Yukiko thought of the plight of the Jewish refugees, he was haunted by the words of an old samurai maxim: "Even a hunter cannot kill a bird which flies to him for refuge."


Forty-five years after he signed the visas, Chiune was asked why he did it. He liked to give two reasons: "They were human beings and they needed help," he said. "I'm glad I found the strength to make the decision to give it to them." Sugihara was a religious man and believed in a universal god of all people. He was fond of saying, "I may have to disobey my government, but if I don't I would be disobeying God."


SUGIHARA'S CHOICE

Time began to run out for the refugees as Hitler tightened the net around Eastern Europe. The refugees came upon an idea which they presented to Sugihara. They discovered that the two Dutch colonial islands, Curacao and Surinam, situated in the Caribbean, did not require formal entrance visas, and the Dutch consul informed them that he would be willing to stamp their passports with a Dutch visa to that destination. Furthermore, the Dutch consul had received permission from his superior in Riga to issue such visas and he was willing to issue these visas to anyone who was willing to pay a fee.

To get to these two islands, one needed to pass through the Soviet Union. The Soviet consul, who was sympathetic to the plight of the refugees, agreed to let them pass on one condition: that in addition to the Dutch visa, they would also obtain a transit visa from the Japanese as they would have to pass through Japan on their way to Curacao or Surinam.

Sugihara had a difficult decision to make. He was a man who was brought up in the strict and traditional discipline of the Japanese. He was a career diplomat, who suddenly had to make a very difficult choice. On one hand, he was bound by the traditional obedience he had been taught all his life. On the other hand, he was a samurai who had been told to help those who were in need. He knew that if he defied the orders of his superiors, he would be fired and disgraced, and would probably never work for the Japanese government again. This would result in extreme financial hardship for his family in the future.

Chiune and his wife Yukiko Sugihara even feared for their lives in making this decision. They agreed that they had no choice in the matter. Mr. Sugihara said, "I may have to disobey my government, but if I don't, I would be disobeying God." Mr. Sugihara was a humble man and, when asked why he did it, he often replied: "I saw people in distress, and I was able to help them, so why shouldn't I?" Mrs. Sugihara remembered that "the refugee's eyes were so intense and desperate- especially the women and children. There were hundreds of people standing outside." Fifty-four years after their decision, Mrs. Sugihara said: "human life is very important, and being virtuous in life is important as well." This was a decision that would ultimately save the second largest number of Jews in World War II. They chose to help the thousands who thronged the gates of his consulate in Kaunas.

The choice faced by the Sugiharas was a moral dilemma that thousands of consuls all over the world faced every day. Few lost sleep in shutting the doors in Jewish faces. These consuls went strictly by the book, and in many cases, were even stricter in issuing visas than their governments required. Countless thousands could have been saved if other consuls had acted more like Sugihara. If there had been 2,000 consuls like Chiune Sugihara, a million Jewish children could have been saved from the ovens of Auschwitz.


VISAS FOR LIFE

For 29 days, from July 31 to August 28, 1940, Mr. and Mrs. Sugihara unflinchingly sat for endless hours signing visas with their own hands. Hour after hour, day after day, during three weeks, they wrote visas. They wrote over 300 visas a day, which would normally be more than one months work for the consul. Yukiko also helped him register these visas. At the end of the day, she would massage his fatigued hands. He did not even stop to eat. His wife supplied him with sandwiches. Sugihara chose not to lose a minute because people were standing in line in front of his consulate day and night for these visas. When some began climbing the fence to get in on the compound, he came out and calmed them down. He promised them that as long as there was a single person left, he would not abandon them.

After receiving their visas, the refugees lost no time in getting on the train that took them to Moscow, and by the trans-Siberian railroad to Vladivostok. From there, most of them continued to Kobe, Japan. They were allowed to stay in Kobe for several months. They were then sent to Shanghai, China. All of the Polish Jews who were issued visas survived in safety, under the protection of the Japanese government in Shanghai. They survived, thanks to the humanity and courage of Chiune and Yukiko Sugihara. The visas they issued turned out to be passes to the world of the living. When Sugihara had to leave Kaunas for his next post in Berlin, he handed over the visa stamp to a refugee, and many more Jews were granted life.

In 1945, the Japanese government unceremoniously dismissed Chiune Sugihara from the diplomatic service. His career as a diplomat was shattered. He had to start his life over. Sugihara was without a steady job for over a year. Once a rising star in the Japanese foreign service, Chiune Sugihara worked as a part time translator and interpreter. For the last two decades of his life, he worked as a manager for an export company with business in Moscow. This was his fate because he dared to save thousands of human beings from certain death.

Today, 50 years after the event, there may be 40,000 or more people who owe their lives to Chiune and Yukiko Sugihara. Two generations have come after the Sugihara survivors, and they owe their lives to the Sugiharas. All the survivors call him their savior, some consider him a holy man, and some think he was a saint. Yukiko Sugihara recalled that every time she and her husband had met or heard of people they had saved, they felt great satisfaction and happiness. They had no regrets.

After the war, Mr. Sugihara never mentioned or spoke to anyone about his extraordinary deeds. It was not until 1969 that Sugihara was found by a man whom he had helped to save. Soon, many others whom he had saved came forward and testified to the Yad Vashem (Holocaust Memorial) in Israel about his life-saving deeds. The Sugihara survivors sent in hundreds of testimonies on behalf of their savior. After gathering the testimonies from all over the world, the committee at the Yad Vashem realized the enormity of this man's self-sacrifice in saving Jews. Before his death, he received Israel's highest honor. In 1985, he was recognized as "Righteous Among the Nations" by the Yad Vashem Martyrs Remembrance Authority in Jerusalem. He was too ill to travel; his wife and son received the honor on his behalf. Further, a tree was planted in his name, and a park in Jerusalem was named in his honor.

He said that he was very happy with the honors. "I think that my decision was humanely correct."

The above text was written by Eric Saul and can be found at this site: http://www.eagleman.com/sugihara/

More on Sugihara at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiune_Sugihara 

Desiderata - Max Ehrmann (1927)

 A friend of mine sent me this prose poem by the American writer Max Ehrmann.

On researching it, it is apparently well known and liked, although I hadn't seen it before. I liked it a lot. It seems to me to sum up a lot of good things, including compassion and thoughtfulness, humility and hope. 

And at the beginning of a New Year where everyone is looking ahead and figuring out the route to the future, this struck me as as good a compass and map as any, so I thought I would post it here and share.

Thanks NK for finding it and sending it on.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons. 

Speak your truth quietly andclearly; 

and listen to others, 

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story. 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; 

they are vexatious to the spirit

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter, 

for always there will be greater and

lesser persons than yourself. 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; 

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, 

for the world is full of trickery. 

But let this not blind you

to what virtue there is; 

many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. 

Neither be cynical about love, 

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, 

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth. 

Nurture strength of spirit

to shield you in sudden misfortune. 

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. 

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be

gentle with yourself. 

You are a child of the universe 

no less than the

trees and the stars; 

you have a right to be here. 

And whether or not it

is clear to you, 

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be. 

And whatever your labors and aspirations, 

in the noisy confusion of life, 

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, 

it is still a beautiful world. 

Be cheerful. 

Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann (1927)

Thailand : Part #1 – Bangkok

Thailand was the destination for my break over New Year and it was my first proper trip to the country – having only seen the delights of Bangkok airport previously while connecting to other places.

The Xmas / New Year period is very busy tourist-wise in Thailand – due in no small part to the fact that the weather – especially for Europeans and Westerners – is very pleasant compared to back home. Moreover, Thailand is very affordable and offers a note of “exoticism” for many.

An uneventful flight from Dubai culminated in an early morning arrival in Bangkok’s fairly impressive and sizeable airport. I was at once very glad to be travelling business class and have access to Fast Track through immigration as my companions faced massive queues in the regular immigration lines and thus delays on getting through to our luggage.

Once cleared and luggage picked up we headed into downtown Bangkok in a taxi to our hotel – the upmarket Banyan Tree.

My first observation is that Bangkok is far from the semi-shanty, underdeveloped second world city I had imagined. It is very built up, urbanized and pretty impressive in terms of its infrastructure.

Our hotel was situated centrally and while slightly anonymous sitting back from the road behind another tower, it was to my mind very pleasant and Asian service and hospitality was evident from arrival.

My room was very well appointed and very comfortable and I was generally very impressed with the hotel – especially bearing in mind the price of the room which was a third of what I would have paid in London or New York for a comparable room or half of what I would have paid in Europe or the Middle East.

The first day was spent fighting off the temptation to sleep - following a near sleepless night on the way on the plane  – and visiting notable sights in Bangkok. In particular the temple complex which we reached by Long Tail boat (remember the James Bond movie The Man With The Golden Gun – those boats) up the river. The river was absolutely filthy and moderately smelly, the boat ride was “different” in terms of comfort, but overall fun and a “must-do” experience when in Bangkok.

We wandered through sweltering humidity and not insignificant temperatures (around 34 degrees) to find the Grand Palace Complex where we wanted to see the Palace and the Temple of the Emerald Buddha etc. 

I noticed that the Thais are very good indeed at putting up signs to tell you what NOT to do and where NOT to go – but are much worse at signage that is remotely helpful. Thus an almost complete circuit of the temple complex resulted in us eventually finding the main entrance whereupon we were told we could not enter wearing shorts and skirts etc. (Very annoying as I’d worn my best skirt for the occasion . . .) and were promptly ushered to an enormous queue to “borrow” appropriate clothing – which in my case involved donning a pair of extremely thick “leisure trousers” made of nylon and finished in a delightful “alimentary” brown colour,  over the top of my shorts. Not only were they ghastly to look at and hugely uncomfortable to wear –they also instantly increased the temperature of my body to around 140 degrees from the waist down. Nice. Not.

(Travel TIP: If anyone offers you the chance to boil your own genitals in a pair of thick brown trousers in order to revere the Buddha – I’d recommend thinking twice before taking them up on it.)

The palaces and temples were indeed impressive for their bright abundance of gold and semi precious stones and flamboyant architecture. The complex was large and after a while we all had the impression that we had seen as much gold as we ever wanted to . . . we eventually exited the complex and were released from our nasty temple clothing and moved on down the road to the next temple complex where the reclining Buddha is housed in all his splendor. This was an impressive sight and one which merited a number of photos. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reclining_Buddha)

Then it was time for our first journey in the classic Bangkok / Thai transport phenomenon that is the Tuk Tuk…

These remarkable little machines vary somewhat, but are typically three wheelers built around a motorcycle engine – two stroke or four stroke – with a little “platform” behind for the passengers to sit in. They stink, they’re noisy, they’re bloody uncomfortable and they’re actually not that cheap compared to cabs often, but they are fun . . .until they break down. As mine did. Obviously.

My travelling companions thought it highly amusing that my Tuk Tuk broke down – rapidly reaching the conclusion that my size and weight must have been too much for the little machine. (In fact it was more likely to do with the fact that the particular Tuk Tuk hadn’t seen a mechanic this millennium – but hey . . .).

After a 15 minute wait by the road, another Tuk Tuk driver approached – clearly a contact of our driver – and we climbed aboard. My fellow passenger was the smallest person on our party – the very definition of "petite" – so we made amusing viewing for onlookers.

Our new driver was clearly Bangkok’s answer to the young Michael Schumacher and we set off at an incredible pace through the traffic, navigating our way through gaps that frankly looked too tight for a bicycle, let alone a Tuk Tuk at top speed. I gripped the metal bars around me for dear life. And then we hit some corners. . .

My weight, combined with a distinct lack of “counterbalance” from my fellow passenger meant that we took several right handers on two wheels, with our driver demonically grinning as he looked back at us and not at the on-coming traffic.

Thankfully we were delivered in one piece to an eaterie where we ate expensive (by Thai standards) food before heading off on the “skytrain” – overland metro – to the “seedy” part of town.

I have to say, not only do I have absolutely no interest in going to strip bars and sex shows (been there, done that, many years ago in other parts of the world) I couldn’t help but feel that it is precisely the naïve grinning tourist who thinks it’s all a bit of a laugh to go and watch women humiliate themselves in front of sweaty westerners with bizarre sex shows that perpetuates and indeed validates the sprawling Thai /Bangkok sex industry.

Moreover, it is certain that these dens of iniquity do not just include the strip shows and “ping pong” shows, but also provide the gateway for entering into the world of child prostitution that Bangkok is unfortunately also infamous for and other sordid, sick and exploitative acts. I argued this case to my companions – apparently on deaf ears – and returned to the hotel for an early night prior to the early start the next day . . .  the day of the Tiger.

To be continued . . . 

Αναθεώρηση Part 11: Πρόβλεψη / Outlook For 2012

Over the last 12 days - the first of 2012 - I have reviewed and reflected on different aspects of my 2011. From people to places, sounds to images etc. It has been a pretty thorough review and at times quite raw and difficult.

So . . . what does it all mean? Where am I going to go with all the things I’ve digested, created, learned and shared in 2011? Who am I going to spend time with? How am I going to spend my time? Where am I going to spend my time?

I don’t believe in resolutions or New Year promises that exist as a stress and only to be broken. I am much more interested in exploring the things that I really WANT to do. If the things I WANT to do align with the THINGS I “should” do then I may have a chance of doing them, n’est-ce pas?

Most of the things I want to do in 2012 are really just building on what I’ve been doing in 2011 (although there are some things I did in 2011 or happened to me in 2011 that I definitely want to avoid). Some, however, mark significant departure and change…

Here are the 12 for 2012:

1. Be more compassionate . . .

I want to continue to work on being compassionate – first to myself and then to others. I am sometimes rather hard on myself – and often allow myself to feel very disappointed in myself and the things I do. While it is perhaps helpful to be self-censoring and to maintain a level of self-criticism or at least slef-awareness, it is important not to end up being tougher on oneself than one really needs to be.

So I will forgive myself, I will give to myself and I will take care of myself by respecting who and what I am and valuing that properly and appropriately.

I include a short video on compassion from The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University in California. I think it is great that a university like Stanford has set up a center like this and is focusing on this area. People are taking this compassion business pretty seriously . . .

http://ccare.stanford.edu/sct/why-cultivate-compassion

2. Let go of the past . . .

I want to put the past  - not just 2011 – behind me. Not to forget about it – obviously – but to leave it where it is. In the past.  I love history and all that it can tell us, but I believe I have relied too much on the past in my life and need to be much more present in the here and now.

Talking of letting go of the past – and binning it - check out this amazing initiative which a friend shared on FaceBook – really impressive and a neat idea. 

http://www.tiralopeorde2011.com/en/

3. Play, write & listen to more music . . .

I didn’t play or write as much music as I could have done in 2011 – mainly due to injuries and time.

This year I want to work on my piano playing, write more music and songs and most of all I want to listen to more music – especially classical and jazz.

It’s a simple thing and I know it will feel great. I’ve missed my music!

4. Giving up things (to take care of myself better) . . .

I have given a lot of thought to the things I really don’t need in my life and which prevent me or obstruct me from taking better care of myself.

There are few things which I think it is right to give up absolutely – other than cigarettes (which I have almost given up but still indulge in periodically) – but there are several things which I can stop pushing and relegate significantly in terms of my involvement / consumption / interest.

I am going to reduce the amount of motorcycles I own and the amount of motorcycling I do. I am going to continue to ride occasionally in the desert and will probably do a little bit of touring in Europe or the US, but I think that starting track riding and racing, continuing a lot of road riding and so on is pushing my luck in terms of age, injuries and resilience. Not time yet to hang up my helmet, but definitely time to accept I’m not 20 any more and make this a smaller part of my leisure time.

I’m also going to reduce my other bad habits - such as bad food, over-travelling and over general over-indulgence . . .and hopefully get a little bit of a better balance in terms of how I spend my free time.

I want to become more moderate and not push myself so hard to do things which are dangerous, tiring or just plain bad for me.

5. Taking up things (to take care of myself better) . . .

To balance some of the things I am going to reduce, I want to increase some of the things that are actively good for me.

No extreme targets or promises here, but simple recalibration of time and effort to include more healthy and soothing things – including regular exercise -  even if it is just a brisk walk, get back to doing some basic and simple yoga, continuing a healthy balanced diet, and perhaps most fundamental of all – getting plenty of good rest and sleep.

Simple – but worth focusing on a little.

6. Relationships . . .

Life is too short to spend it with assholes, losers, painful people, rude people, stupid people. We all know that.

But life is also too short not to spend the maximum amount of time with the people we really care about and who really interest us.

This year I want to spend time on the relationships that are most important to me. On my family, my close friends, my good buddies - and also on the random but important and valuable connections I have made with people across the globe.

But not on "acquaintances" and the like - I'm sorry but that time belongs to my friends.

And if you are wondering which category you fall into, you have probably just answered your own question.

7. Travel a road less travelled . . .

I mean this in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

I want to do more travel to places I don’t know instead of places I do – or at least bring that back into a better balance. I’ve fallen into the habit in the last few years of spending my leisure travel predominantly in places that I know and have been to before. I want to see some new places in 2012 and have some new experiences.

Metaphorically I also want to try new things, think in new ways and encounter new experiences in all forms. I love change and have appetite for new things – and I am working on being more open minded about the opportunities to do these kind of things.

Here’s to the road less travelled – I’ll write about it when I get there.

8. Write a short story (or maybe two) . . .

I’ve done a lot of writing this year – mainly essays on this blog, some travel pieces, and food writing and a little “creative” writing.

A number of kind people (and I hope in possession of intelligence and good judgment too) have said positive things about my writing and encouraged me to do more.

As writing provides both therapy and self-expression for me, I am not at all adverse to this and have decided that I am going to focus on writing one (at least) fictional short story this year. Something that I will write with great care, that I will edit with sensitivity and brevity as equal goals – and which I hope will reflect both my creative passion and my point of view on the subjects I write about. I hope I can produce something evocative and inspiring.

To the few people I have mentioned this too already – thank you for the kind offers to proof read, criticize, comment and generally support.

9. Spend more time in Greece . . . 

This may sound at odds with point 7, but I have realized that I have never really gotten over my love affair with Greece and remain deeply attached to her. To this end I must spend more time there to allow myself to feel comfortable and satiated.

If you’ve ever loved a place that’s not your home, you will know what I mean.

10. Love a little better . . .

This applies to all the kinds of relationships I have – friendship and beyond. I don’t consider myself weak or deficient particularly in this area - but I know I can be a little more thoughtful, a little more sensitive, a little less demanding and just a little “less” sometimes.

As Ovid, the Roman poet wrote: “If you would be loved, be loveable”.

11. Get to know my brother . . .

As referenced in my first piece in the review of 2011, I have neglected my relationship with my brother and I realize this has cost me – and him – and I wish to rectify that.

I plan to spend more time with him this year and to spend specific time travelling with him to get to know him better.

I am looking forward to that journey.

12. Epilogue . . .

In conclusion, I’m simply going to enjoy more of the things I love in life, and do less of the things I don’t want or need anymore.

And I'm going to keep on writing about them - whether just plain description and observation or more analytical and philosophical - because I enjoy that too.

I leave 2011 with this quote – from a slightly unusual source perhaps – but I think it says a lot:

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” 

Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat, Pray, Love

Αναθεώρηση Part 10: Learned . . .

I am an inquisitive, indeed curious, person so it is unsurprising that I learned a great deal in 2011 – some things from my own efforts to acquire knowledge and understanding, and some from the generosity or genius of others.

Some things I learned from scratch while others I simply deepened or expanded my learning. There were also some things that I re-learned in the sense that I had all but forgotten about them or what they were.

All in all I am grateful for the things I learned although sometimes knowledge and understanding can be a burden as well as a blessing.

Here are my 11 things for 2011 that I learned or re-learned or learned more about:

1. Dignity

It may be a function of age or experience, or perhaps a softer philosophical disposition, but I learned last year a great deal about dignity. That is not to say I acted with dignity on all occasions that I could or should have – far from it, but there were some occasions that I did and I realized that not only can this be a good thing for me, but also it is often a much more gentle way of behaving towards others.

If I think to the occasions where I lacked dignity it was because my childishness and ego demanded that my complaints be heard, my situation be appreciated more, that I be the centre of attention and so on.

I think dignity is when we have every right to behave in one way – usually demanding, rough and raw, but choose to behave more gently, more subtly, in a more restrained way. It is an act of self-control in the face of easier alternatives.

It relates in some ways to compassion in that it is something we do because we CAN and not because we must. And when we are dignified in our behavior we are often putting the feelings and sensitivities of others before our own. It is kind.

It is an appealing behavior and, building on my learning in 2011, one that I certainly aspire to cultivate further.

2. Patience

Those who know me well would not immediately reach for the word “patience” when thinking of me. Indeed, they would much more likely choose an antonym or just laugh. However, I have made a little progress in learning more about the benefits and practice of patience during the last year.

It is always a battle for me to be patient – to fight my urges, desires, curiosity, insecurity and energy – but there is a time where patience is not only the best strategy, but also provides more satisfaction and well-being.

You see being curious, impatient, full of desire and energetic is often stressful and tiring. For me, and also for those around me. While it brings progress, makes things happen, advances things, it also saps energy from others, feels rough and aggressive at times. I realized that this last year more than previously.

Patience is an expression of trust. A belief that one can let things be and they will follow their own natural order without requiring intervention or influence.

Trusting things, situations and people allows one to be more patient. On the occasions I am patient, I think this is what helps me. The concept of trust.

There is another dimension to patience which is deferral – reprioritizing the thing that one is examining and thus deferring its immediacy and importance in our lives. This is also patience. Not everything has a unit value of 1. Not everything is the most important thing in the world. Not everything needs to be addressed now.

I must work on this in practice.

3. Understanding

“Understanding” in English can mean two things – comprehension and sympathy (or possibly even empathy).

“I need to improve my understanding of the situation before I decide how to approach it” – comprehension.

“Despite his aggressive and rude behaviour, she showed her understanding and left him alone to calm down.” – sympathy

I have learned a lot more about understanding this last year. Firstly from my committed interest in and increasing practice of compassion – which drives both the quest to understand and gain clarity, and then the expression of sympathy or empathy  - although it is perhaps not quite true that all sympathy or empathy is built on proper knowledge, clarity or understanding of the matter concerned. Secondly from my curiosity and desire for knowledge – this ensures that I think about, research, investigate, query and observe the things that interest me until I understand them or at least understand them better.

There is no greater frustration to me than not to understand something – it keeps me awake at night and distracts me entirely.

There is a possibility that this is not a good thing and that it is ok to just accept things for what they are without understanding them. I manage this when I have faith in something – I do not require understanding or explanation for that – so perhaps I should be more moderate in my quest for understanding – and that is my key learning on this subject from 2011.

4. Giving

Again perhaps part of compassion dynamics, but I learned some more about giving in 2011.

I am, I believe, generally known as a giving person. Generous with my time, my energy and my resources, it gives me great pleasure and sense of purpose to give and to help people if I can.

As I grow a little wiser with my years, I am increasingly satisfied just with the act of giving and much less interested in reciprocation. This may be a weakness and is certainly a potential vulnerability, but viewed within the compassion framework I cannot think of it that way.

I have learned however that “over-giving”, when one passes the comforts of recipients no matter how well-intentioned, is not desirable and I need to pay attention to that.

I give because I can and it feels right to do so. However, to be a good giver, one needs to think not only of the giving but also of the receiving. We should only give what someone is able to receive.

Something I learned in Greece all these years was the art of hospitality – φιλοξενία as it is known. Friendship to strangers or guests from its literal root – for as I have written about before, the Greek work for “guest” and “stranger” is the same.

My biggest learning when it came to hospitality – of which the Greeks are the world’s masters – was not how to give hospitality, but how to receive it. And the best host is the gentlest and most sensitive host. Discrete, dignified as well as generous and warm.

So to be a better giver, I learned last year that I must think more about how much and what someone can receive and not impose myself with my kindness or generosity if someone cannot accept it. For then the purpose of giving is defeated and instead becomes an act of aggression or pressure – and that is not the kindness that is intended.

5. Joy

Last year I experienced joy once more. I re-learned what it is to be truly and ecstatically happy. It ought to be something that is very energetic and stimulating – and there were moments where it was indeed like a burning, blinding light – but my abiding memory of the joy I experienced last year was of peace. Of calm. Of a sense of “fit” with the world and my existence in it. And the fact that I smiled and laughed a lot more.

Joy is temporary of course and we would not know it as joy or feel it as we do if it was not contrasted with pain, misery and all the shades of happiness in between. So we should not lament its passing too much as if it were to stay it would certainly diminish in force and strength. As written elsewhere in this collection of essays – we need the contrast in life to feel things.

My joyous periods last year were so bright precisely because they contrasted with the feelings and emotions of the period that immediately preceded them.

While I have of course known joy before, it has been sometime since I can really recall the feeling. I think my learning last year was to truly treasure the moment.

To live in the “now” of those moments and not be too distracted by the future or the past. I was somewhat successful in that attempt but not entirely. . .

6. Sadness

Perhaps somewhat predictably or inevitably I also learned more about sadness last year – as a flip side to the joy I experienced, but also as the world around me and specifically certain people around me underwent terrific hardship, change and experienced great fear.

Perversely perhaps, I learned there is a warmth in sadness – it is not always cold, steely and grey. When we allow ourselves to get as close as we can to the root of our sadness and allow ourselves to express our sadness in an appropriate (& dignified) way then we can find great relief, comfort and warmth from this emotion.

I also learned that sadness is a tiring emotion and one, which if experienced over a long period, can drain you enormously.

Fortunately, I am blessed with an ability to process sadness quite well – I digest reasonably quickly. Possibly because of my desire to understand and possibly because I am not afraid of sadness any more – so I don’t avoid it or put it off. Instead I tend to embrace it, deal with it, live it and then move forward.

I do need to learn more about handling my sadness with more dignity – because frankly, being a misery guts is not a good look – and to continue to work with my sadness in a constructive way.

7. Now

I spent a lot of time thinking about “now” in 2011. To treasure moments, to free myself from the future, to depart from the past – there were many moments, many reasons and many opportunities to think about “now” and I learned a great deal from it.

As noted in my lengthy essay on the subject (I promise I will get around to editing that one at some point!), “Now” is difficult. The present is the hardest time to live, and it is the only time we live despite our best efforts to languish in dreams and memories to avoid it.

When I have managed to center myself on being very present in my life and thus be very “now”, it has been an increasingly positive experience.

I am lucky in that I am a highly instinctive person with an intuition bordering on the extra sensory – so I am able to detach myself relatively easily from some of the infrastructure of my mind because I retain the comfort of my instincts and intuition as protection. But it being “now” remains hard and requires practice.

Meditation, contemplation and usually solitude help. I learned lots from my “now-ness”. Give it a try.

8. Compromise

I wrote about this topic in the summer and consequently / subsequently thought a great deal about it and tried to put my thoughts on the subject into practice.

I have traditionally a love / hate relationship with compromise – espousing it vigorously on the one hand as a mediating principle and the best example of balance, respect and mutuality, and on the other hand exempting myself from inclusion in the game of compromise because my ideals and goals cannot be compromised and my ego will not relinquish its selfishness.

That said, with conscious thought and analysis, and factoring in the motives for compromise – love, respect, dignity, compassion to name a few – I have found it also to be a worthy act and one which is both becoming and desirable.

But as with many of these worthy behaviours, I also learned it requires balance, perspective and propriety.

9. Confidence

2011 saw me get more of my old confidence back again. I learned to be bold once more, to take risks and to feel good about it.

Anyone who knows me professionally only will find this a very odd statement, as I appear very confident at work. Appearances, however, often bely the truth.

In my private life however, for reasons not worth going into here right now, my confidence has not been strong for some time.

My own mother asked me a couple of years back why I had stopped being funny and the only reason I could think of was because I had lost my confidence. It was a supremely depressing moment and caused me deep introspection.

Since then – and last year marked significant learning on the subject – I have worked on my confidence in quite a focused way. I am distinctly more comfortable with who I am and what I am than perhaps ever before (although this is not to say I do not have work yet still to do) and I am clearer about what I need and want in life – these two things alone allow one to be a little more confident.

But more than philosophy, I have empirical reason for my increased confidence – I have got my humour back (not all of it - I will be funnier in time – be patient!) and I have got my energetic spirit back into my personal life too. When put into practice in 2011 they worked well for me – people laughed, people engaged, I was my old self and I engaged much more with my interests such as music, travel, writing, photography etc…

I also learned that your real self is always more pleasing to others and to you than any assumed or acted self can be – and so the need to assume a self other than yours or act out a part immediately become redundant. That gives me confidence. Think about it.

10. Humour

As referenced above, my increased confidence has increased my humour quotient and I feel moderately funny again. This is important to me because I enjoy laughter and fun, and more importantly I enjoy giving it to other people – and I used to be absolutely brilliant at it until I lost my way.

Humour is a strange concept. Much of what makes us laugh is very ephemeral and eccentric. Much of it is also black – schadenfreude, irony, sarcasm, satire – all somewhat aggressive or negative and yet they make us laugh.

Other people’s misfortune is at the heart of much humour – and it is because of the psychological release we have when we realize that something bad is happening to someone else is not happening to US. Usually when the bad thing is not something deserved or foreseeable.

Example: Man slips on banana skin. Funny. We laugh, not because he is going to hurt himself, but because it is something random and unlucky (he didn’t do anything to “deserve” the banana skin) and it is NOT happening to us.

Beyond from the inherent humour in the misfortune or deprecation of others, I actually believe the greatest humour is really all about “wit”.

I cannot define wit in any meaningful or helpful way, but we all understand wit when we see it. It is a kind of intelligence combined with intuition and observation. And wit is an enormous platform for humour.

I do not like jokes. With very few notable exceptions, jokes are constructed witticisms to enable the unfunny to make people laugh. The least funny people I know, know the most jokes – because they are reliant on them. Jokes are an easy route to humour if wit has abandoned you.

But the really funny people – Billy Connolly, Eddie Izzard, Dave Allen, Peter Cook, John Cleese for example – don’t tell jokes. They don’t construct humour from a formula – they observe, deprecate, challenge and point out paradox and obtuseness from everyday life – and they do it with great wit and intelligence.

I once watched Billy Connolly perform live in a theatre in London. A stage, a stool, a spotlight, a microphone and 4,000 people in front of him demanding he make them laugh. Within 3 minutes of his 2 hour plus performance he owned those people, controlled them totally. And what a rush! What a high! All that power, all the energy and all of it resting on his next word, pause or expression – where it could all be lost in an instant. Agony and ecstasy – I can only imagine how wonderful that must feel.

For me, I don’t see myself in the theatre anytime soon. I’m just not that funny. But I can envisage myself sending people into paroxysms of laughter at dinner parties or other gatherings once more.

I can see myself seeing more and more of the funny side of life and recording it, replaying it and sharing it. Why? Because I am a much happier person than I was. And because with my confidence returned, I have learned to be funny again. A bit.

11. My Self

Regular readers and even those who have just read my review of 2011, will have probably figured out that the thing I have learned most about in 2011 is my self.

It is no accident of course. I have wanted to and actively spent time on doing so. Many of my reflections, discoveries and thoughts on what I have discovered about my self, have been recorded as essays on this blog, while some are still too new, too raw or just too deeply personal to make it out here yet.

I continue to feel my self as a “Xenos” - my “nom de plume” and alter ego – my creative identity, my perceived self. The guest & the stranger.

But I am being much more hospitable to the travelling stranger inside me, being warmer and kinder and getting to know the stranger within a little better. One day I will cease being a stranger to my self and I have a good idea precisely which day that it, but until then I – as everyone – will continue to make the journey to self-understanding and spend time with the most familiar stranger I know.

What have I learned specifically about Xenos this year? That I must be compassionate to my self as well as to others, that the past doesn’t have to dictate the future and that “now” is where we all, including our selves, live.

Αναθεώρηση Part 9: Created . . .

create [kriːˈeɪt]

vb

1. (tr) to cause to exist

2. (tr) to be the cause of 

3. (intr) to be engaged in creative work

 [C14 create, created, from Latin creātus, from creāre to produce, make]

As is often my way, I look at definitions and etymology to understand the meaning of words – as well as usage.

In terms of “what I have created” in 2011, I have focused on things that I caused to exist, things that I was the cause of, as well as things that I made or produced. There is a subtle difference…

Moreover, what is “created”, is by definition, something that did not exist (at least in this way) before its creation. One cannot cause something to exist if it existed previously – that would be to “re-create”. To this end, to create is to give birth, to give life to something that without one’s action, involvement or intervention, would otherwise not exist. Or at least not in this way, or at this time. 

1. Relationships

In 2011 I created several new friendships and relationships – or perhaps I should say I “co-created” them with willing people. 

To describe friendship I will turn to C.S. Lewis: “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden)…It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision – it is then that friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.”

What Lewis means by the solitude is that when one forms a friendship with someone, one forms a connection based on the unique shared vision of those two or more people, and by definition this connection thus disconnects those people from others. They affiliate among each other but disassociate from others – thus creating solitude for themselves.

In this way I found myself enjoying new and expanded friendships in 2011 and as a result created additional solitude for myself – and perhaps for others.

2. Pain

I created much pain for myself in 2011 – and indeed others created pain for me as well (just in case I was running low!)…

But by and large the pain I suffered last year was my creation. I mean of course both physical and emotional pain.

I created significant physical pain in the accidents I suffered and the resulting injuries and surgeries, but I also created psychological and emotional pain through other kinds of accidents and the resulting “injuries” and “surgeries”. Interestingly, to continue the analogy further, both kinds of pain in 2011 for me involved some kind of amputation, removal etc – a removal of a piece of either body or soul, a detachment.

Both kinds of pain heal with time – although it is also interesting to note the parallels between physical and psychological or emotional pain when it comes to scarring, closed wounds, and so on.

My shoulder for example will never work the same way again, and my finger will not grow back. I will always have the scarring on my legs from the other accidents. The pain has reduced or diminished but there is lasting damage that will change the course of how I live, move, function. 

Maybe the same wounds in terms of anxiety, self esteem, self image, confidence, and so on will leave scars and lack of function? As we grow older and suffer more emotional and psychological trauma –whether self inflicted or by others – do we also accumulate more and more emotional scar tissue leading to more and more emotional disability?

I think perhaps we do – and the only thing that counterbalances this decay and growing disability is our mental capacity to comprehend it and learn from it – to attempt to avoid in the future the things which have hurt us in the past.

The other great truth about pain is that we have no pain memory. We literally cannot recall or remember pain. This is a protective mechanism our psychological function has developed to help us escape the terror and misery that repeated memory of pain would cause. We know we suffered pain, misery or discomfort but when we try to recall it we cannot feel it again.

Sadly it seems to be mirrored by an equal inability to recall the feelings of comfort, joy and happiness.

I created my own pain. I will deal with the scars it leaves behind.

3. Laughter

I created laughter again in 2011. I am gradually getting my humour back and it’s great. Still not where I used to be, but making people laugh is enormously rewarding and a proper laugh from the belly works wonders for the soul – and so it is a great pleasure to be able to provide that for people and to create laughter. 

If a big belly laugh isn't available, then even chuckles and smiles are pretty good soul food, so I don’t mind cooking those humour snacks, if the big banquet of a laugh is too hard to manage . . .

But it is good to make people laugh. I like that.

4. Art

When we think of “Creative” people we often most immediately think of art . . . but I believe creativity is manifested across many aspects – indeed nearly all aspects of our lives and existence.

However, art is a uniquely creative outlet because I think in part it is not required. We do not need art to live. It is not something that relates to any of the key biological functions that we need to complete to sustain life – and yet it can at times be so essential.

For me it is both something to appreciate and to create. When appreciating art – whether painting, music, sculpture, poetry, prose, photography or whatever form – I am seeing information and expression through someone else’s mind and soul. So I am learning about them and about the subject that has inspired their art.

Thus when I create my meager outputs – this essay writing, my occasional poetry & prose (never shared but with a very select few) or my music  - I am communicating information and expression with perspective. I want to tell people about the thing that inspires me AND how I feel about it – what exactly it inspires in me. And so I needed to create art. And it became an essential outlet for my mind, my heart and my soul.

I have needed it since a child and constantly sought routes to self-expression – finally settling on words and music – and very occasionally photography and images.

So I had no choice but to continue to create things in this area during 2011 – and it was of great comfort and help to me to do so. At times this “creation” gave me great pleasure – and at others it soothed the pain. . .

5. Thought

I did a remarkable amount of thinking in 2011 - by my standards at least – and it was very satisfying. I’m not sure my thoughts amounted to an awful lot, but as an exercise it was invigorating.

I’d honestly much rather spend an hour thinking hard than running hard –although I recognize that a balanced life has both!

I created quite a bit with my thoughts this last year – not least of which was the creation of new parts of me . Let me explain. . .

In thinking I became conscious. I became aware. In my awareness I found light to see things previously obscured by the shadow of ignorance or unconscious – and thus I understood some things. And in understanding I created new parts of my consciousness, my experience and ultimately my intelligence.

Abstract I agree, and as I say, I’m not sure my thoughts amount to much or have particular meaning or import, but they have “bulked up” my brain, exercised some “mind muscles” and helped me pass some wonderful hours with a strange expression on my face of curiosity and satisfaction combined.

Apart from bulking up my brain, and passing time, the thoughts I created this year ended up being passed on as advice or counsel to some, written about in this blog and discussed in many conversations here and there.

All in all a reasonable output. . .

6. Anxiety

Another thing I created a great deal of – and wished I hadn’t – was anxiety.

Both in myself and for myself – and also for others.

I worry about some things far more than I should do (and yes, others not enough – like most of us) and when I get anxious I tend to go to town. But that is generally my problem. What is perhaps more important is the anxiety I created in others. . .

Whether through insensitivity, stupidity, risk taking, or simple things like a lack of decent communication or explanation, I created quite a bit of anxiety this last year and much of it in people that I care about and who – by definition – care about me.

I wish I had been less selfish and more thoughtful.

7. Relief

Happily and conversely, I also created quite a bit of relief this year also – some in conclusion to anxiety . . .(for example: he isn’t dead, it’s just a finger. What a relief!) . . .and some in response to a need to be put out of other misery or given the reassurance that it will be ok.

For some reason I have been gifted with a certain amount of ability in terms of making others feel safe and secure. It might be my height and size or it might be my nature, which is to “protect & serve”. 

Whatever it is, I seem to be able to create relief for people easily and this is something I am happy and proud to create – as I am also in relieving people’s anxiety about me as well . . .

8. Anger

I created a lot of anger in 2011. Maybe not more than other years, and even perhaps less than some, but still more than I would have liked.

Out of insensitivity or lack of thought on most occasions I frustrated people, disappointed them, let them down, and a host of other things which culminated with them feeling angry with me. I created their anger and my punishment was to receive it.

I hate people being angry with me – it terrifies me in a very primordial way – and I usually go out of my way to avoid making people angry – even when they have made me angry. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like discord – particularly with the people who are close to me.

So to all those people who I created anger for – I’m sorry. For anger doesn’t just hurt the person who it is directed at, the angry person suffers too.

It is an ugly emotion.

9. Tracks

In 2011 I created a lot of tracks. By which  I mean I left my trace on the world – with tires, jet fuel, footprints and the wake of boats.

I travelled literally and figuratively almost non-stop. My route karmic in the main, and leaving a unique trace by which I can be not only uniquely identified but also held accountable.

No-one went the way I did, at the time I did. A track or trace’s uniqueness is not only the specific contact point between them and the universe but also the specific time. Logically, no-one else could have been me, in the place I was in, at the time I was in it – thus I leave a metaphorical track behind me like a slug leaves slime. I was there and I can now never NOT be where I was at that time. It has happened. Like the letter once written then burned, it can never be unwritten.

And so I created a lot of karma in 2011 – and which doubtlessly will greatly affect and direct my future.

Even on the trips to the supermarket . . .

10. Mistakes

I created a lot of mistakes.

I fucked up. I got it wrong. My judgment was out. I sinned. I failed.

Nothing I can do about them now and regret only serves a purpose for a while before it turns into a cancer of your future and paralyses every possible choice, move or decision you might come across again.

So I created mistakes – and just like the anger and the pain I created – I’ll live with them.

11. Peace

I created peace. A little for myself – I wish a whole lot more – and I think quite a bit for other people at specific times.

After joy –which is a lovely word and an even lovelier feeling – I think peace is one of the most beautiful experiences / states we can attain. To create it for oneself is a good thing, to create it for others is a big gift.

I managed both, but not enough of either.

PS. This post is dedicated to KP - who is thinking about writing some stuff. Go for it I say!