To digest:
I will think some more about this. And I will certainly write more about my reflections on and digestion of 2011.
Until then I can reassure you that my best moments in 2011 - whether unique, or only appearing to be unique because they were properly experienced, were the ones which were timeless, when I felt more alive than the Gods, when I was deeply connected and when I was blinded by light and joy.
Happily I remember more of those moments than the other kind . .
One consequence of this reflection and digestion is that I have resolved to spend more time questioning my patterns of behaviour in the future rather than just accepting them - especially those behaviours and actions which appear to just to rhyme, rather than chime or shine. .
In the meantime. .I gave up a "full stop". But I fear it was too late. .
Earlier this year, someone wrote about my "Old Shoes & Picture Postcards" in the kindest and most inspiring of ways:
I went through the whole blog and I keep finding gems . .
In many ways, OSAPP is the product of my digestion of life and all that is around - or indeed is that digestion. For that reader as well as others I will endeavour to keep thinking and keep writing.
My next piece will be looking at the highlights and lowlights of 2011 in terms of my experience and some of things I saw in the world.
I'm off tomorrow for a brief trip and then it's Christmas, so will save my analysis of 2011 until after.
But until then, I wish you a Merry Christmas and in the words of the late, great Dave Allen - "Goodnight, good luck, and may your God go with you."
..
1. Physiology To convert (food) into simpler chemical compounds that can be absorbed and assimilated by the body, as by chemical and muscular action in the alimentary canal.
2. To think over so as to understand; absorb or assimilate.
3.
a. To organize into a systematic arrangement, usually by summarizing or classifying.
b. To condense or abridge (a written work).
4. Chemistry To soften or disintegrate by means of chemical action, heat, or moisture.
Digestion is a process which seems to preoccupy my life to a disproportionate degree. Not because of my well documented - and indeed amply demonstrated - relationship with food. Not only that.
I am also preoccupied with digestion because of an obsession with understanding, of gaining clarity. A kind of curiosity on steroids.
Interestingly this kind of digestion resembles both the physiological kind of digestion referred to above and also the chemical.
Interestingly this kind of digestion resembles both the physiological kind of digestion referred to above and also the chemical.
At this point in time I am reflecting on the year that has passed and seeing what I have digested from it.
It has - in some ways - been a year like any other. I got older, did stuff, spent time with people, had some new experiences, repeated some old experiences, traveled, wrote some music, worked etc.
In other ways of course it was unique.
Those unique aspects of my year are among the harder parts to digest - partly by definition (they are new to my "system") and partly because for the most part they are complex and difficult subjects.
Broadly they relate to the topics of "connections / relationships", "death", "pain", "joy" and "time". Not that there is inherently anything unique in any of these topics, BUT there has been in my experience of them.
It strikes me that the phrase "history doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes." might be quite aptly applied to the vast majority of our experiences while alive and conscious (and indeed perhaps while unconscious too.).
"Life doesn't repeat itself but it rhymes" - we have many patterns in our lives. Most are created in our early childhood environments, some are learned and acquired through behaviours and influences as we grow up and some are defined by our surroundings - people and places - but I'd guess that 80-90% of our behaviour and activity is in the field of "rhyming behaviour". If not an outright repeat of what we have done before, it is similar enough to either provide comfort and familiarity or to allow us to not pay too much attention to it . .
And that is one of my observations for this first of a series of "end of year" digestions . .
We should pay more attention to our "rhyming behaviour". We should stop and think why we do things the way we do them. Why do we think the way we do? What is the cause of our behaviour? What are the consequences?
Not because in the first instance we necessarily need to change - but because we should be more CONSCIOUS and aware of our lives and the way we behave and act. We should be more alert and present in our own existence - after all, we only do it once, and it would be both a shame and something of a waste to just let it slide by without thinking about it and really experiencing it actively . .
Perhaps, however, we do need to change some of our behaviours? Perhaps there are things to learn from our "rhyming behaviour" and repeated patterns that can help us get more from our lives. . for not all of our patterns and rhyming behaviours are healthy or good . . are they?
The 10% of life that is not "rhyming" and that isn't made up of patterns playing out again and again, is the part that is - perhaps for want of a better word - "unique" .
My unique experiences in 2011 were those that punctuated life and provided the spice to the otherwise somewhat bland and predictable stew of everyday existence . .
These "unique" experiences that arrest us for a moment, that strike a chord - are they "unique" because they are startlingly different from everything else we have experienced, or are they "unique" because for one moment (or more) we are uniquely present, aware, focused and receptive to the experience, in contrast to our regular "rhyming behaviours" where we are largely switched off, passive and distanced from ourselves?
I don't have an answer for this question. It is not rhetorical.
I have only some empirical thoughts to go on - and some feelings - but both cause me to remain conflicted regarding the answer.
During this year I have certainly experienced acute joy and acute pain (both physical and emotional) and I have also been highly aware of time at points and at others, totally timeless and divorced entirely from any ticking clock. At some of those times I have been deeply aware of being alive. At others I have only been able to think of death. In my connections with others I have felt at times bonded to a depth beyond description and at times so lost and alone that "others" seem only to be abstracted ideas, and not real.
My effort to digest these experiences - to soften and disintegrate as well as to condense, order and absorb - has been torn between on the one hand the initial acceptance that some of these experiences are truly unique, and that this uniqueness drives my awareness of them in such focus and detail and on the other hand the idea that in fact the experiences were in no way unique, but that for some reason during these experiences I gained light, focus, was present and connected, and thus they appeared to be unique because of their contrast with the ordinary, and the "rhyming" patterns.
It has - in some ways - been a year like any other. I got older, did stuff, spent time with people, had some new experiences, repeated some old experiences, traveled, wrote some music, worked etc.
In other ways of course it was unique.
Those unique aspects of my year are among the harder parts to digest - partly by definition (they are new to my "system") and partly because for the most part they are complex and difficult subjects.
Broadly they relate to the topics of "connections / relationships", "death", "pain", "joy" and "time". Not that there is inherently anything unique in any of these topics, BUT there has been in my experience of them.
It strikes me that the phrase "history doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes." might be quite aptly applied to the vast majority of our experiences while alive and conscious (and indeed perhaps while unconscious too.).
"Life doesn't repeat itself but it rhymes" - we have many patterns in our lives. Most are created in our early childhood environments, some are learned and acquired through behaviours and influences as we grow up and some are defined by our surroundings - people and places - but I'd guess that 80-90% of our behaviour and activity is in the field of "rhyming behaviour". If not an outright repeat of what we have done before, it is similar enough to either provide comfort and familiarity or to allow us to not pay too much attention to it . .
And that is one of my observations for this first of a series of "end of year" digestions . .
We should pay more attention to our "rhyming behaviour". We should stop and think why we do things the way we do them. Why do we think the way we do? What is the cause of our behaviour? What are the consequences?
Not because in the first instance we necessarily need to change - but because we should be more CONSCIOUS and aware of our lives and the way we behave and act. We should be more alert and present in our own existence - after all, we only do it once, and it would be both a shame and something of a waste to just let it slide by without thinking about it and really experiencing it actively . .
Perhaps, however, we do need to change some of our behaviours? Perhaps there are things to learn from our "rhyming behaviour" and repeated patterns that can help us get more from our lives. . for not all of our patterns and rhyming behaviours are healthy or good . . are they?
The 10% of life that is not "rhyming" and that isn't made up of patterns playing out again and again, is the part that is - perhaps for want of a better word - "unique" .
My unique experiences in 2011 were those that punctuated life and provided the spice to the otherwise somewhat bland and predictable stew of everyday existence . .
These "unique" experiences that arrest us for a moment, that strike a chord - are they "unique" because they are startlingly different from everything else we have experienced, or are they "unique" because for one moment (or more) we are uniquely present, aware, focused and receptive to the experience, in contrast to our regular "rhyming behaviours" where we are largely switched off, passive and distanced from ourselves?
I don't have an answer for this question. It is not rhetorical.
I have only some empirical thoughts to go on - and some feelings - but both cause me to remain conflicted regarding the answer.
During this year I have certainly experienced acute joy and acute pain (both physical and emotional) and I have also been highly aware of time at points and at others, totally timeless and divorced entirely from any ticking clock. At some of those times I have been deeply aware of being alive. At others I have only been able to think of death. In my connections with others I have felt at times bonded to a depth beyond description and at times so lost and alone that "others" seem only to be abstracted ideas, and not real.
My effort to digest these experiences - to soften and disintegrate as well as to condense, order and absorb - has been torn between on the one hand the initial acceptance that some of these experiences are truly unique, and that this uniqueness drives my awareness of them in such focus and detail and on the other hand the idea that in fact the experiences were in no way unique, but that for some reason during these experiences I gained light, focus, was present and connected, and thus they appeared to be unique because of their contrast with the ordinary, and the "rhyming" patterns.
I will think some more about this. And I will certainly write more about my reflections on and digestion of 2011.
Until then I can reassure you that my best moments in 2011 - whether unique, or only appearing to be unique because they were properly experienced, were the ones which were timeless, when I felt more alive than the Gods, when I was deeply connected and when I was blinded by light and joy.
Happily I remember more of those moments than the other kind . .
One consequence of this reflection and digestion is that I have resolved to spend more time questioning my patterns of behaviour in the future rather than just accepting them - especially those behaviours and actions which appear to just to rhyme, rather than chime or shine. .
In the meantime. .I gave up a "full stop". But I fear it was too late. .
Earlier this year, someone wrote about my "Old Shoes & Picture Postcards" in the kindest and most inspiring of ways:
I went through the whole blog and I keep finding gems . .
In many ways, OSAPP is the product of my digestion of life and all that is around - or indeed is that digestion. For that reader as well as others I will endeavour to keep thinking and keep writing.
My next piece will be looking at the highlights and lowlights of 2011 in terms of my experience and some of things I saw in the world.
I'm off tomorrow for a brief trip and then it's Christmas, so will save my analysis of 2011 until after.
But until then, I wish you a Merry Christmas and in the words of the late, great Dave Allen - "Goodnight, good luck, and may your God go with you."
